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Falling Off My Very Own Personal Fiscal Cliff
by Roger White Pardon me while I faint. KLOMP! Whew. Okay, I’m back. You see, I just checked my bank balance after the deposit of my first paycheck of 2013. I was anxious—fretting is the better...
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So That’s Why They Call it the Poop Deck! OMG!!!
by Penelope Ashe Editor’s note: While “This Old Spouse” columnist Roger White continues his recovery and convalescence from male breast-reduction surgery, guest columnist Penelope Ashe has agreed to...
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Have You Suffered Dizziness, Coughing, or Death Recently? If So…
by Roger White So I’m curled up in bed on a drizzly, dreary Wednesday, nursing a bit of a cold (and when I say nursing, I mean I’m milking the most out of this sniffle so I can stay home—don’t try to...
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‘Stepped on a Pop Top, Cut my…’ Stepped on a What?
by Roger White There is a narrow greenbelt that runs behind our back yard, and in my meager efforts to keep fit—which involve a weekly tennis match followed immediately by heavy beer intake—I must...
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I’m Blowing the Lid Off The Candy Desk
by Roger White Oh, my cosmic cohort, there are so many secrets. So many insider goings-on that we, the average work-a-day peons, know nothing of. Woops, ended a sentence with a preposition there. I...
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Austin, I Love Ya–But Enough with the Festivals Already
by Roger White Enough. I’m festivaled out. I can’t muster the strength to attach one more day-glo wristband to my tired, old wrist. Don’t get me wrong—I love Austin. I really do. I love the...
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Looking for Just an Ordinary, Average Scholarship
by Roger White I am an average guy. I live in an average house, and I have an average family with an average dog and cat. Mind you, my wife and two girls are the finest specimens of human beauty and...
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I’m Just Rollin’ Along, Like My Dog
by Roger White Ralph Cooper White is our family dog, and he is all there, let me tell ya. What I mean when I say he’s all there is that what we have is one royally rotund, prolifically plump pooch....
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Sours for Albert’s Mom
by Roger White Day 1 Dr. Keys says I should keep a log about how I feel and react to the medications for the next fortnight, so here goes. You see, my gentle flock, living in Austin, as festive and...
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A Milkweed by Any Other Name
by Roger White In our somewhat slipshod efforts to maintain and beautify the old homestead, wifey and I recently marked off several great swaths of our mangy front yard, designating these areas for...
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How to Unclog the Duodenum of Texas
by Roger White Guess from whence I’m writing this installment, my kaleidoscopic cohort. In my car. That is correct. I haven’t touched the accelerator or the steering wheel in the last six minutes and...
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My Uvula Has a Beer Belly
by Roger White I understand about growing old, and I don’t mind it, really. No, really, there are a few perks that tag along with decrepitude. Like being able to take a nap any time of the day...
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In the Beginning Was the Couch. And the Couch Was Good.
by Roger White Ah, my dyspeptic disciples, sometimes you get a sign from the Guy in the Big Comfy Chair in the Sky. Ya know what I mean? Here’s a for instance: I’ve been recently wrestling with the...
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Writer’s Block? No, It’s COS–Creative Obstruction Syndrome
by Roger White When I was a kid, living in what was then a tiny suburban town with a flashing yellow light on the highway and a few close-knit neighborhoods in which summer curfew was the precise...
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Well, Hit Me with an Anvil–It’s Contest Time Again
by Roger White OK, OK, you don’t have to klonk the Spouseman over the head with an anvil. Speaking of, you don’t see too many anvils these days, do you? Think about it. When, in your daily comings...
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Insurance Companies & The Ninth Circle of Hell
by Roger White A dubious milestone of this haphazard voyage we call aging is the unique privilege of having one’s most private of bodily parts probed, scoped and examined with cold, silvery steel...
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The Curmudgeon Showeth His Crust. Again.
by Roger White It has been brought to my attention recently by more than one loyal reader of TOS that yours truly is nothing more than a crust-covered curmudgeon completely lacking in human compassion...
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Jet Set Pet Vet Your Best Bet to Get Your Pet All Set
by Roger White You’re in for a treat in this installment, my discombobulated disciples. Today, This Old Spouse talks with Hector Proctor, famed household veterinarian and director of the Austin-based...
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A Mighty Wind Cometh (from an Empty Caveth)
by Roger White Never let it be said that the Spouseman ignores his readers. I recently checked my inbox and found myself inundated with an e-mail, which lamented the fact that I haven’t tested you guys...
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Daddies, It’s OK to Miss Your Little Girls
by Roger White Watching my oldest daughter stride so smartly into her senior year of high school, and my youngest girl, a sophomore, confidently follow in her steps, I found myself struck recently with...
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