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Reparative Therapy Is Just the Tip o’ the Platform
by Roger White This week on Lone Star Myth Bashers, we take a hard look at the common perception that the conservative movement in Texas makes our fair state the target of national and international...
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Get Pa Out of the Fruit Cellar–It’s Mashup Time Again
by Roger White Simmer down. Simmer down, people. I know very well that it’s been months since I’ve indulged you with a Movie Mashup contest. And I know that you know, based on the influx of cards and...
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Pondering Life’s Little Scams, Schemes, and Swindles
by Roger White So I was standing in the shower attempting to loofah my stretch marks when one of wifey’s standing army of...
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…Only to Find Gideons’ Flatscreen
by Roger White Well, I’m back, my fellow existential exam-takers. Just flew in from the far reaches of my psyche, and,...
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Episode XXIL: In Which I’m Overwhelmed by a Moving Experience
by Roger White So last week I was scrabbling along, no major curves along the path, no sudden obstacles, no tremendous...
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Commence Ye Festivities, Followers: It’s Find the Fib
by Roger White Ah, yes. It’s just about that time again, my anthrax-addled adherents. No, I’m not referring to Be An Angel Day—although August 22 is official Be An Angel Day. If you’re unfamiliar...
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Fly High, Young One, But Visit the Ol’ Nest Please
by Roger White “…the eyes of Texas are upon you, ’Til Gabriel blows his horn.” The wife and I recently experienced the hopeful heartbreak of helping our firstborn bird to fly the nest. Somebody...
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My Wife’s Haunted Car and Other Things
by Roger White Let me get this out of the way right here and now: For all the times I’ve been a smartass to any of you out there in reader-land, I convey my sincere apologies. I used to think that...
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Huzzah for Hard Line on Hardheads with Handhelds! …Huh?
by Roger White Normally, I’m not one to send out hearty huzzahs to governmental entities for actions they’ve taken, and this is likely because governmental entities these days rarely take any action...
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This Installment Should Wet Your Appetite. Literally.
by Roger White “It’s only words…” True, Messrs. Gibb. But then words are all we have, in a sense. I can understand when my daughter bursts in the front door, famished from her school day, and exclaims,...
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I Would Shake Your Hand, But . . . Ebola, You Understand
by Roger White Dear Diary: Day 37 of my quarantine finds me gazing out at the swath of graceful oaks and maples that crowd the greenbelt beyond my back yard. Two slender brown squirrels skitter and...
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Student’s ‘Mr. Maroo Wheelchair Challenge’ Rolls On
by Archer Hadley Editor’s note: Columnist Roger White steps aside for this edition to let readers in on this remarkable young person’s ambitious project—to raise enough money to have automatic doors...
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The Morbid Tale of the Marlboro Man–And Others
by Roger White A moment of silence, please, for Mr. Eric Lawson. Mr. Lawson, 72, died earlier this year from respiratory failure due to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. The real cause: smoking....
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Sorry, Kids: There Ain’t No Betty Crocker
by Roger White So I was watching “Seinfeld” for the eleventy-millionth time the other night, mainly because there is absolutely nothing on TV worth watching these days other than reruns of “Seinfeld,”...
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This Year, Santa’s from the Seventies, Like, Man
by Roger White I must have fallen and hit my head again. Do you hear those mountains? Listen to all that purple. Ding! Ooh, time for cocoa! I swear, from looking at the little calendar icon on my...
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W.B.’s Resolution: Find a Rhyme for Penguins
by Roger White Ah, my cosmic cohort, mi altruistic amigos, another calendar has been trash-binned. Another yuletide has been yuled, another new year’s staggered through, another den full of pine...
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Radicals (like Jefferson) Have No Place in School Lessons
by Roger White Editor’s note: The following is an explanatory letter to Texas public school students from the State Board of Education regarding recent changes the board wants to see made to...
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Of OCD and Toilet Paper and Rubber Donkeys. Nik Nik.
by Roger White How does one know if one’s quirks and little idiosyncrasies are just mildly neurotic tendencies or behaviors that qualify as borderline OCD leanings—or perhaps even activities that...
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Pondering My Mortal Coil Options: Boxed or Broiled
by Roger White I think it finally hit me how old I am this past weekend. Not so much that the wife and I packed it in and went to bed at 8 p.m. on a Saturday night, and not even because we had both...
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Call Me a Goober. I Don’t Get Uber.
by Roger White OK, my fellow aficionados of the absurd, before we slice into the juicy prime rib of this here column, let’s settle the squabbling once and for all: What color are these words? Do you...
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