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Of Asian Delicacies and the Idiom Tedium
by Roger White My mother-in-law loves authentic Chinese food, so when we treat her to dinner, she almost invariably chooses First Chinese Barbecue, way up on North Lamar in far North Austin. It’s so...
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Our Daughter Could Be a Banana Slug, or Maybe a Gorlok
by Roger White There are certain events and milestones in one’s earthly existence that make one realize one is brushing up against one’s own mortality. Wifey and one—I mean, I—brushed up against one...
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There’s Gold in Them Thar Stools
by Roger White You quasi-regular followers of Ye Olde Mouse—all four of you—know that you can depend on me to deliver to you faithfully and regularly, rain or shine, your place or mine, the straight...
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For the Sake of All Things Austin, Stop Operation Shade Elm!
by Roger White Now, ye who know me understand that I’m not of the alarmist ilk; neither am I a hardline skeptic, a delusional “truther,” nor a conspiracy buff who spies shadowy figures behind every...
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Learning about Love & Loss — from your Labradoodle
by Roger White Here’s a quote from comedian Louis C.K. I’ve been pondering lately: “It’s true, everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point, and nothing good ends well. It’s like, if...
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Faith and Begorrah, They Have Old Dog Homes!
by Roger White Well, Faith and Begorrah, you can learn something new every day. Sometimes that—and little chocolate donuts—is the only thing that spurs me to drag my sagging carcass out of the sack...
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Clang the Clangers! It’s Contest Time Again!
by Roger White Either I’m having a patella-buckling, spleen-expanding, koala-slapping case of déjà vu, or I’ve written all this before and am now simply too addled to recognize it, but here goes: You...
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Breaking News: Reader Response Goes Way Beyond Whelming
by Roger White Well, if I’d known this many of you guys were into words and word games, I would have long ago stopped trying to entertain and enlighten you with tales of the excruciating silliness...
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A Cautionary Tale from the Planet Retha
by Regor White Sit down, kids, and I’ll share a tale. Mikey, don’t sit so close to the fire. Your Keds are starting to melt. That’s it. OK, good. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (turn right...
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Andrew Tackles Yak Parts–and a Letter from Ralph
by Roger White So I’m parked in the den the other day, sprawled on my comfy couch, watching my favorite TV show not shot in black and white or from the 1960s—that being “Bizarre Foods with Andrew...
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Time for Old Rockers to Tinker with their Tunes
by Roger White A friend recently posted on Facebook a snippet of herself at a Kansas concert, and it really got me thinking. No, it wasn’t a concert in Topeka—it was a show featuring that well-seasoned...
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Here Comes That Damn Google Maps Car Again
by Roger White I’m not what you call an early adopter. Nay, I am not the type who runs out to Best Buy or that ultra-high-tech Apple Store that looks like a futuristic antiseptically sterile lab from...
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I Give You Sniglets for the New Age
by Roger White Remember sniglets? You have to be at least kind of ancient if you do. Sniglets, the brainchild of 1980s comedian Rich Hall, were simply described as “words that don’t appear in the...
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OK, Cowpokes, Time for the Fifth Biennial OFPhC
by Roger White I know what half of you are saying: You’re saying, “Well, there it is. He’s run out of material again. Despite the ridiculous wealth of silliness, brain-scrambling absurdities, and...
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Help Steer Michael to His ‘Off the Grid’ Dream
by Roger White When I was a young lad (translation: Kennedy Administration), I had dreams of living off the grid when I grew up. I don’t think “off the grid” was even a term then, but I had visions...
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It Could Have Easily Been ‘The Old, Rugged Noose’
by Roger White Leave it to the creative mind of Gene Roddenberry to send me into yet another mental wormhole. And I warn you from the outset, this particular “thought experiment” may be potentially...
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Prine Was Right: Blow Up Your TV
by Roger White “Blow up your TV, throw away your paper, Go to the country, build you a home…” —from “Spanish Pipedream,” by John Prine I work for an education association, whose ebb and flow of...
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Think You’ve Seen It All? Well, You Haven’t.
by Roger White Boy, it happens every time. Without fail, every time I throw my arms up in disgust and utter an exasperated “I’ve seen it all now,” something worse comes along to heave a brick upside...
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Spot the Spurious. That is, Find the Fake.
by Roger White Ah, my catatonic cohort, I know many of you have been waiting with bated breath (and yes, it’s bated breath; “baited breath” would involve halitosis of the earthworm variety) for the...
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We Can Make Austin Great Again – By Winning!
by Adolph Felcher Editor’s note: Keeping in the spirit of this year’s extraordinarily robust political climate, “This Old Spouse” columnist Roger White has graciously stepped aside to offer readers...
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